Adar 5782: Feeling as a Means to Joy

Hello everyone! It’s been a minute since I’ve taken the time to write to you here. Life’s been a bit of a whirlwind the last two months (more on that later) and it feels so good to get back to another editor’s note. First, I want to share that Chai on Life celebrated its one-year anniversary in December (ah!), a marker I definitely don’t want to glaze over. 

Over the last year plus, this website went from being just an idea in my head and only one completed interview to a brand with about 60 published pieces in the course of a year. I’ve spoken to nearly 20 diverse women on topics across the board, from mental health to hair covering to environmentalism, racism and motherhood. This site is still very much in its infancy, but at the same time has accomplished a lot and I want to celebrate that. It’s shown me that one small step, followed by another and one more after that can turn into a dream project come to life.

So often, as women, we don’t celebrate ourselves enough (why is it so hard?!) We’re so quick to look at the negative space and what we didn’t do or could have done better instead of taking the time to feel good about our achievements. So, consider this my personal party and a reminder right back to you to celebrate something in your own life! Literally, it could be anything from getting the grocery shopping done to taking care of your kids when you don’t feel 100 percent to nailing that last assignment — anything big or small, because often, the small things are the big ones.

Then, keep those feelings flowing as we journey through this month of Adar — it’s the perfect time to increase the good vibes in your life. 

Now, on a related note, I’ve realized that I sometimes struggle with putting pressure on myself to feel good when TBH, I just don’t. Over the past six weeks I’ve been out of any sort of routine while traveling to the States with a toddler and living in other people’s homes. As amazing as it was to see family and friends, it was also exhausting and left little time to take care of my own personal needs or to give space to all the feelings I was experiencing.

I felt bad about said emotions also. There was so much guilt laying on me for not feeling only thrilled, grateful and happy to be there the whole time, especially when so often in Moscow, I’m yearning to be back in America, surrounded by family and friends.

When I got back to Moscow, though, and was settled back at home, I realized that constantly berating myself to just “snap out of it” was doing no one any good — not myself or my family on the receiving end of my internal resentment. By letting myself just feel sad for a minute, or to feel stressed — whatever it was, I felt a release. In turn, I was able to be kinder and more loving with other people. By experiencing my true feelings (even if they were “negative”), and actually letting my body and mind spend a little time there, I was able to increase my joy.

It seems so counterintuitive to spend time in a negative place and feels like the last thing we “should” be doing, but in reality, it might be the only way to get through. Sure, sometimes putting a smile on your face will lead to the actual feeling of happiness, but sometimes the way to get to the other side is to let ourselves be seen and heard — without shame that we’re not feeling the “right” thing.

I’m currently reading the book The Connections Paradigm (Templeton Press, 2021) by Harvard psychologist David H. Rosmarin, who also happens to be a religious Jew. The book’s subtitle is “Ancient Jewish Wisdom for Modern Mental Health,” and in it, one of the major takeaways early on is cultivating a relationship between the soul and the body. 

So often, we dismiss our body’s needs in the hopes of achieving and reaching a higher level that the soul wants to be at. In reality, though, if we disregard our body’s needs too much, we’ll lose trust in ourselves and get nowhere. Plus, when we’re sensitive to the needs our body has and can provide for it and vice versa, we’ll be much more likely to bring that sensitivity outward.

I realized that disregarding my feelings to reach this higher state of joy was completely counterintuitive to the goal. By taking the time to listen to my body, its stresses and challenges, I gave it space, cultivated a stronger internal relationship within and felt so much more connected to myself and Hashem as a result. 

So, this Adar, (x2 because we get two of them this year!), in addition to researching cute Purim costume ideas and delectable hamantaschen recipes, use the extra time we have throughout both of the months to check your emotional barometer. Take in however you’re feeling and let yourself feel those emotions without judgment. 

G-d-willing, it will make for a month that is so much more joyful.

Have you tried this? Do you have any other happiness tips? Let me know in the comments!

xoxo, Alex