The month of Av is officially upon us. We begin it in a state of mourning with nine intense days that culminate in the 9th of Av, also known as Tisha B’Av. Tisha B’Av is the saddest day on the Jewish calendar. It’s hard to feel excitement about entering the month of Av when that’s what’s approaching, no?
On Tisha B’Av, we mourn the destruction of both Temples, the return of the spies who came back with negative reports about the Land of Israel, and other hardships the Jews have faced. World War I began on this day and the Holocaust actually did as well. It’s eerie.
This time of year is really hard for me. To be honest, I just don’t like it. Actively having to go to a negative place internally, one where we need to make an effort to feel sad and mourn, isn’t a pleasant place to be. I think we can all agree it’s much easier to go into an uplifting time like Purim or Chanukah than it is to approach the Three Weeks (a mourning period beginning with the 17th of Tammuz and ending on the 9th of Av) and Tisha B’Av, a day when we don’t even greet each other.
In the past, I felt like I faced two choices: Ignore the feeling, just live life and hope that the connection will come and, TBH, feel guilty about it — or, somehow force myself to feel connected to the depth and sadness, even if it’s artificial. As I’m mentally preparing for Av now, I’m realizing there’s another option.
Av actually means “father” in Hebrew. The month in which we have the saddest day of the year is called “father”?! Jarring, right? Upon more reflection, though, things became a little clearer.
Moshiach (the messiah) is actually supposed to “be birthed” on the 9th of Av. Our ultimate redeemer will come on the saddest day of the year. But when Moshiach comes, it obviously won’t be sad. It will be the happiest day, because Hashem’s existence will finally be revealed to the world. Everyone will recognize the truth, and our Father will be here in a much more obvious way than the hidden way we know Him now.
So too, this year on Tisha B’Av (if Moshiach doesn’t come) we can use the sadness as a way to connect with our Father more. If you’re a parent, or the child of one, you know that parents have to put their children through unpleasant things sometimes. I have to help my one-and-a-half-year-old son brush his teeth even if he doesn’t like it. Sometimes I have to let him cry before he goes to sleep because I know that’s the only way he will. For him, it doesn’t feel good. But I know that he will benefit from clean teeth and good sleep in the short and long term.
It’s hard to process when something challenging happens. Full stop. Lately, though, I’ve been trying to reframe it and think, “If Hashem is doing this to me it has to be for the good.” No healthy parent would want to do anything to intentionally and cruelly harm their child, so Hashem wouldn’t either.
Yes, sometimes He does things that hurt, but even though they hurt, they have to ultimately come from the best place for us.
The zodiac sign of the month of Av is the Leo, or the lion, which is aryeh in Hebrew. Aryeh has the gematria (the numerical value of the sum of the Hebrew letters) of 216, which is also the gematria of the word gevurah, or strength. It’s often associated with boundaries, or in this case, Hashem being a bit stronger with the Jewish people.
But also, if you divide 216 by 3 (a number that corresponds to the building of all three Holy Temples), you get 72, which is chessed, or loving-kindness. So, ultimately, this month of Av will culminate in that rebuilding of the third and final Beis Hamikdash. While it may now feel like a time of gevurah, it will feel like chessed soon. We just have to make it there.
Charlie Harary also explained on his podcast, Unlocking Greatness, that if you add up how many hours there are in the nine days, you also get 216 (24 x 9). #Freaky. He says that during this time, you have to be like that lion, or aryeh — fearless against anything that is holding you back from being who you want to be. If you’re afraid of the unknown, know that you have a lion inside of you which has extra potency at this time, so there’s nothing to be scared of.
One thing I’ve been working on personally is being okay with where I am right now. Oftentimes, I get sucked into a perfectionist mindset and feel bad if I’m not where I think I “should” be. So, as I reframe my relationship with G-d to view everything as coming from a place of love, I’m trying to do the same with myself — value my own inner strength and know that G-d is there with me.
I’m an imperfect person who is working on herself, yet I’m also “good enough” as I am right now. Tisha B’Av is a hard day, one during which we can reflect on how we can improve, yet also one on which we know Hashem is accepting us exactly as we are, as our Father.
Coming at this time from a place of love — instead of a place of fear — actually helps me feel so much more connected. It’s authentic and real and, ultimately, G-d-willing, it’s a connection that will help bring Moshiach.
Now who’s with me?!
Wishing everyone an easy and meaningful fast.
xoxo, Alex
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