Growing up as a Black woman in a primarily white, Orthodox Jewish community wasn’t always easy for Elisheva Rishon. Despite Judaism being a religion that prides itself on acceptance, negativity and discrimination can unfortunately exist beneath and on the surface — even among the attitudes of the most upstanding Jews. While the Torah is perfect, humans are the ones who carry it out, and often, we falter.

Maybe it’s due to environment and falling into step with those around us, even when it’s wrong, or maybe we’re not strong enough to stand up for what we know is right, or maybe there is no real explanation. America’s history is plagued with racism, and that attitude can sadly seep into the Jewish community, even though we, too, have a shared past (albeit much further back) as slaves. 

America is a very unique country in that it was built with racism at its center. It may not have been a core tenet of the Constitution, but it’s always been there. Elisheva (who’s in her 30s — she prefers to keep her exact age undisclosed) explains that a lot of religious communities assimilated into the American culture, and that included a racist mentality for some. “America was literally built on the backs of Black people,” she says.

America did experience a renaissance of sorts last summer, where many eyes were newly opened to the harsh realities Black people face in America. While it was a controversial topic in many Jewish communities, Elisheva was so grateful for the light it shed on what she has been through (more on that below) and is hopeful that the conversation will continue easing the way for those across all religious spectrums.

Fortunately, her spirit hasn’t dwindled through her challenges — she’s channeled her pain and passion into a clothing company called Eli7 Designs, where she designs pieces that empower others, promoting achdut (brotherhood) and positivity.

No matter your religious orientation, race or culture, the brand has messages anyone can integrate. In a time where our unity is more important than ever, the messages cross boundaries and inspire consumers to take a look inward and then focus our own energy toward spreading more light.

Her Jewish Journey

Elisheva grew up in Crown Heights and Flatbush, religious communities in Brooklyn. Her mother was born Jewish, while her father converted. Elisheva has happy memories from her childhood, but also painful ones.

She was often excluded as a child, and her parents were as well — not being invited to community conversations on important topics, including those that were directly about civil rights.

In addition to the exclusion, Elisheva was often called names — a group of girls she played with called her “dirty” early on — and she was the recipient of not-so-friendly looks in shul and at school. She says she always preferred sitting in the front row during synagogue services, because, if not, both adults and their children would turn back to look and stare. “People also couldn’t understand why I didn’t fit into what their stereotype of a Black person was,” Elisheva shares. “They would say, ‘Black people talk this way or dress that way.’ I wasn’t even allowed to be myself because I had to be this version of what they thought I should be. For the longest time I didn’t know who I was.”

She remembers being a child at her brother’s bar mitzvah in shul, and another girl looked around and said to her parents, “Why are there all these Black people here?” She walked away deeply confused, and the frustration and pain of that discomfort at a simchah (celebration) her own family was hosting stayed with her ever since.

She spoke to her parents about issues occasionally but saw the pain they experienced on her behalf when she did, and she didn’t want to be the one to cause that. Because her mother is a baalat teshuva (returnee to Judaism) and her father is a convert, they didn’t grow up in the Orthodox Jewish world and she felt they couldn’t really understand what she was going through. She saw the parents of other Black kids in her community come to school or synagogue to try and stop the negativity their own kids were experiencing, and Elisheva didn’t like that option either. “I didn’t want it to look like I didn’t know how to take care of myself,” she reveals. “I wanted to be independent.” 

Fighting for Truth

As she grew up, Elisheva saw the few observant Black friends she did have from her communities becoming less observant. They didn’t want that added challenge in their lives and she doesn’t blame them. She thought at times, “Why am I fighting to exist every single day? Why am I fighting for this? It takes so much energy and strength to still be here.”

Elisheva has had experiences in which she wavered, and she found “off the derech” friend groups to be more accepting. (Off the derech refers to people who have left some or all of Torah observance.) “They’re already seen as rejects,” she says.

Ultimately, she chose not to sacrifice her own Judaism because of the opinions of others. She learned she had to separate the religion from the culture surrounding the religion. “Hashem is perfect and everything He says is perfect,” she says. “The culture, however, is different. I realized if I left the religion because of how I was being treated, I would just be hurting myself. It had nothing to do with Judaism.”

One spark that showed her she had to stay on the path was when she was invited by another Black Jewish friend for a Shabbat meal. That friend explained that her daughters were feeling insecure about their skin color after experiencing discrimination in school. “One was feeling contempt toward her sister because her skin color was a bit lighter,” Elisheva shares. “I was hearing this and just thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, another generation is going through what I went through. Nothing has changed.’ I felt a push to make a difference.”

She also understood that while her experience may have put a stumbling block in her path, others have their own challenges and so many are fighting through adversity. “Everyone has their own struggle. You see things like Unorthodox [a book and now TV series about a woman leaving her religious Orthodox community] or other stories of people leaving the religion, but maybe it’s just a type of orthodoxy that you’re practicing that doesn’t agree with you,” she shares. “You don’t have to throw away the whole thing; you just have to find your place.”  

“I know that I’m choosing the harder life, but if no one does it, no one will do it,” Elisheva says. She spoke out on social media about race in Judaism and explains she got a lot of backlash for it. It wasn’t until the conversation around race became more mainstream last summer that things started to change.

Elisheva is continuously working to find the right place for herself Jewishly. Right now, she lives in Los Angeles. While she tries to make herself at home, building new friendships is something that’s always been a challenge.

“I’ve gone to Jewish events with non-Black friends, even other converts of different races and they get different approaches than I do,” she explains. “Someone will come up to us and introduce his or herself to my friend and then turn to me and start asking questions about when I converted, or [investigate] how I’m Jewish. I’ve left events when it’s happened multiple times in the same night. It’s not a good environment for me.”

She explains she went to a Shabbat meal with a Latina friend of hers who converted, and others thought this woman was just Persian, Moroccan or a mixed Israeli. She didn’t get the same questions Elisheva did. “With Black people it’s different,” she explains.

It also doesn’t stop with the observant Jewish community. She also experiences challenge on the other side from the non-Jewish Black community. She explains in a neighborhood like Crown Heights, for example, Jews will make comments, saying things would be safer if there were fewer Black people around. And, on the flip side, Black people will say the neighborhood would be less poor if there were fewer Jews around. “Black Jews are caught in the middle,” she says. 

“I know that I’m choosing the harder life, but if no one does it, no one will do it.”

Also, she says when you look Jewish, you’re held to a higher standard because others believe that your actions represent the whole. It’s the same when you’re Black, so Elisheva feels the pressure to represent both groups well. “People don’t understand the difference between a people and a person so I’m often defending both sides in the best way that I can,” she reveals. “It’s frustrating, exhausting and I try to avoid it as much as possible.”

Through all this, she decided to turn her energy inward and become part of the solution instead of just weathering the storm of the problem, and she set out to make a difference.

Spreading Empowerment

To combat the issues she was seeing around her, Elisheva turned to fashion. “People see my brand and that I’m an adult now and still religious … It helps me take my strength back.”

Fashion was something Elisheva has used for a while to express herself and find confidence. “Earlier in life, fashion became something that would distract attention from the fact that I’m Black,” she reveals. “Eventually, I found power in it because you can use fashion to emulate what’s happening in the world or what you want to happen.”

When it came to Jewish empowerment, Elisheva says she couldn’t find any clothing that had an expression on it that had much meaning. So, she changed that. She put gam zu l’tova on a shirt, which means “also this is for the good.” She was determined to bring those types of messages to light, and spark conversation on what they mean in our lives. “[Gam zu l’tova] is an amazing way to look at something negative,” she says. “Why don’t we talk about these things?”

Elisheva’s clothing brand was a long time coming. She started to work on the line years prior — conjuring ideas and brainstorming messages, but she wasn’t ready right away. Ironically, her brand was officially born when she was in one of the lowest periods of her life.

She had just moved to Los Angeles, ended a bad five-year relationship and was struggling financially. She met others around her who were also struggling with their own issues, but she didn’t feel like she could give them anything or help them, as she was in her own place of difficulty. Then, something inside her switched into gear. She realized that the only way to counter negative energy is to bring in light. “You have to counter it with the exact opposite,” Elisheva says. “So that’s what I did. It was the worst time in my life, but it was also the most brilliant thing I could have done.”

The brand itself — launched in 2019 and run exclusively by Elisheva — became a vehicle for healing, she explains — not just for the people in her orbit, but for herself. As she launched products, customers that bought them sent her photos of themselves in them. “They would tell me their life stories and describe how the pieces made them feel empowered, how they related to their life triumphs and struggles,” she explains. “I never anticipated that.”

She believes the response comes from her own vulnerability. “They can feel the energy of where I’m coming from.” She also explains that so many others are on their own spiritual journey, and that conversation is more open than it’s ever been. “People are looking for something,” she says. “They see that I’m doing that, too, and we’re helping each other get to where we need to be.”

Elisheva has a day job to pay the bills, working as an office assistant in a showroom, but this — Eli7 Designs — is where her heart lies. She dreams of making it a full-time thing one day.

“Being Black and Jewish has been frustrating my entire life, but now it’s my superpower,” she says. “I have clarity to see how we can be working together and building each other up.”

One of the ways she turns that challenge into light is through pieces that feature empowering Jewish sayings, like the gam zu l’tova mentioned above, and also prominently display Jewish heroines. Right now, she has Yehudit featured on the site, and plans to include her other favorite Jewish power women — Miriam and Queen Esther — on pieces in the near future. “These women did not freeze when under pressure,” she explains with a laugh. “They took action into their own hands and got things done.”

She separates her work into different “collections,” like “That #JewishVibe collection” or “The Isha collection.” She printed Hebrew words like Malka (meaning queen), mehamemet (meaning stunning), and ko’ach(meaning strength) on shirts. To translate the women and messages to print, Elisheva focuses on how she wants people to feel when they see the item. She looks deeply into different colors, deciphers what they mean and how others will react to them. Lighter colors give off a more spiritual, softer vibe, while darker ones have a stronger connotation.

Tzniut (modesty) is an important value for Eli7 Designs. She tries to make each item modest in itself, but if she produces a tank top, she will show how you can wear it modestly, and make you feel good wearing it like that.

With everything she does, Elisheva wants transparency and honesty to be at its core and she continues to produce pieces for her brand that promote empowerment and healing. “Anyone who thinks they’re done healing is not done healing,” she says. “It’s healthy to talk about it.”

In her downtime, Elisheva is constantly drawn to the natural inspiration all around her. “Los Angeles has the most beautiful sunsets,” she says. “I look at that and just feel it’s Hashem’s way of saying, ‘Anything is possible,’ or, ‘Do you see how I painted that sunset? Yeah, that’s right.’”

“In Judaism, there are layers underneath layers underneath layers. There’s more to this world than what we see and there always will be,” Elisheva notes. “I want to dig underneath the tree to see its roots and want to know what’s behind this world… We should never stop learning.”

For more from Elisheva, you can follow her on Instagram at @therealeli7designs, or check out Eli7Designs for yourself right here!

Growing up in a traditional Brazilian home, I was almost the black sheep of my family because I always was more covered up than my fellow Latinos, but I did so out of shame over my body rather than honor. I wanted to divert people’s eyes from the parts of me that society told me weren’t acceptable. So, at the age of twenty-two, having always covered my shoulders to hide my biggest insecurity (my arms) and never enjoying anything that cut off my circulation or stopped people from speaking to my face, taking on the halachic standards of modesty was almost intuitive. 

I was in my senior year at Boston University, counting down the days until I would graduate and soon sojourn on a much-awaited year abroad to seminary in Israel. You see, I did the rebellious thing and became spiritually conscious whilst my peers were trying to find the meaning of life in their red Solo cups; my Thursday nights looked more like kneading challah rather than partying. My wardrobe shift wasn’t the first thing I took on, but it grew on me. I found myself slowly becoming more comfortable in my Shabbat attire that I would wear in my Rabbi’s community than in the jeans I wore to class every day. I remember deciding in January of 2017 that maybe I wouldn’t declare to “never wear pants again,” but I would try to stop buying new ones (I haven’t since). 

The more time I spent in the frum community, the more osmosis happened, and I think the more I wanted to regard myself in the same light as the women in the community did. It all sort of just happened organically, and by the time I got to Israel, I just knew inside of me that if it was important enough to be written in the Torah, it would be something I would work my entire life to experience. And I truly mean that it is work; it is something I actively pursue and ask for assistance in doing on a daily basis. 

I’ve always been into fashion and style and have always loved being able to express myself through my clothing. However, as I mentioned, I limited myself to dressing in what hid my body the most or averted people’s eyes from my own discomfort. Ironically, it was only when I started dressing tzanua, when the concealment did not come from a place of hatred but rather of love and depth, that I felt most seen.

After I came back from my year in Israel and settled into the hustle and bustle that is life in your twenties in Manhattan, I felt a huge shift in my relationship with modesty. I had to really define it for myself, outside of a community doing the same thing. I started a marketing and sales position where I was among other Jewish individuals but was painstakingly the most observant one. “Don’t you get hot in long sleeves in the summer? I have religious friends who wear shorts; why don’t you try being like that?” people would ask. It seemed like everyone had an opinion or an out for me. But was I asking? I decided I needed an external outlet to keep me strong when living out this mitzvah.

I was always so inspired by modest fashion bloggers on Instagram; they showed me it was possible to fuse my creative self with my ever-evolving modest ways. I felt a pull to contribute to the space in a way that added chizuk about the work behind the mitzvah. I wanted to share that yes, it is hard, and I wanted to be transparent about that. That’s when I started my Instagram passion page, Bless Up Dress Up (now @sitwithsnit).

Bless Up Dress Up began in November 2018, after I decided that the Jewish world needed a place where Torah met fashion. The page became a community where likeminded women would come, see a unique take on style, and recharge with a dose of Torah. I’ve met so many incredible women from all walks of life through my account. I thought, if one woman can walk away feeling more connected to the mitzvah of tzniut, this was all worth it. 

Despite my love for fashion, I constantly remind myself that these physical garments don’t define me. It’s the garments that clothe my soul that do. One’s middot (character traits), the spiritual cloak that we are dispositioned with at birth, can be enhanced, more clearly seen, fortified, and worked on in the right ways for us to show up in the world. 

So, what is modesty to me nowadays? It’s all-encompassing and constantly changing. It’s something I bear in mind in my actions and speech as well. Leaning into this mitzvah and focusing on my relationship with Hashem has helped me connect to what I believe I am meant to do in this life, and knowing that is an inexplicable feeling. Ask me how I feel about this tomorrow, and well, I may just have to sit with it again. 

Do you have a mitzvah that you really connect with? Reach out here if you’re interested in contributing a piece on it.

“I wanted to create an experience where every bride would feel pampered and cared for,” she says. Her company is a one-stop shop where a kallah (bride) can get her gown, sheitel, makeup and even wedding planning services, avoiding the need to drive to multiple places for various appointments. Her mother and sisters can also get dresses and makeup at the same time.

In business for over 20 years, Marlene got the idea from her own family experience. When her younger sister, Orit, was getting married at 19, she struggled to find a dress that matched her personality and age. There were only a few frum bridal places and everything just felt too mature. “She looked like a young girl playing dress-up,” Marlene explains.

The family ended up getting a dress at Kleinfeld’s, a well-known bridal boutique in New York, but the store had to do a lot of customization to meet the bride’s tzniut (modesty) requirements. “It got me thinking that this was really a void I might be able to fill,” Marlene says. She was a young, business-minded college student at the time.

What happened next was a twist of fate that only could be credited to a chilling story of hashgacha pratis (Divine intervention). Graduating from Touro college with a degree in marketing management, Marlene decided to apply to Kleinfeld’s as a sales associate to get her feet wet. On the day of her interview, the company liked what they saw. Marlene was given an offer on the spot. “They saw my passion,” she says. “I was very real with them.” 

Her sister picked her up that day from the office, excited to hear the news, but on the way home, the two got into what Marlene describes as “a monstrous car accident.” She continues, “I was declared dead at the scene. It was a miracle I survived… I was immobile for the next six months while I recovered.”

The budding bridal associate lost her opportunity to work at Kleinfeld’s because of the accident, but she ended up turning very sour lemons into lemonade that would stay sweet for years to come. She used her time in bed to plow through bridal magazines, planning a company of her own. She noted different businesses she could work with, ripping out pages that caught her eye and researching the industry as much as possible.

After she recovered, she began reaching out to the companies on her list, securing places she could get beautiful, designer dresses from, and at the same time, sourcing materials she would need to build them up and make them tzanuah (modest). She needed to ensure that the companies could adhere to the shorter timelines her clientele needed as well. 

“You don’t have five months to wait for a dress to come in,” she explains. “That was a very big component and took a lot of legwork. I had to create relationships with the companies to make sure they could service my customers.”

Once that part was figured out, she teamed up with the closest women in her life. Marlene’s mother is a hair professional—she used to style bridal tresses full-time in Israel, where she’s from. Although she’s been in America for almost 50 years now, that experience set her up for her entire career. “She used to do between five and 15 brides a day in the largest salon in Israel,” Marlene says. “She’s been doing this since she was 14, it’s her passion.”

Marlene’s sister is a makeup artist, so she complemented the team perfectly. While Marlene herself was taking care of the gowns and making sure everyone was dressed and good to go on the day of the wedding, her sister could do the makeup and her mother the hair. “I helped people make their wedding day flawless and hassle-free so they could just enjoy it and live in the moment,” she explains.

A Family Affair

The name of her business, Kaituz, comes from “K-twos, or K-squared” she says. She and her sister have always been very close, so the two Kolangis together became the brand. “It’s a weird name but it just stuck,” she shares. “We wanted something catchy, and to this day, clients from way back remember Kaituz.”

It’s clear from Marlene’s story that family has always been a big part of her journey. After her accident, when she decided to go into business for herself, her father was her number one supporter. When she started, she needed inventory; there was no way to get dresses on consignment.

“He arranged for me to get a $13,000 loan, which at the time was crazy money,” she says. “He taught me how to build credit, read a credit report; he really guided me. He said, ‘I believe in you and your capabilities, I’m your cheerleader. Go for it.’”

He and her mother gave Marlene the basement of their Queens home to do what she wanted, so that became her showroom, a facility to meet clients and a place to store the gowns—it remains that place to this day. “My family really supported me, which was essential when doing something so risky and scary,” she says. “I was only 21 at the time.”

Hashem was also on her side, because the business took off immediately. “We did so well so fast, I didn’t even know how to keep up,” she shares. Marlene was the vision behind the dress designs, and she hired a pattern maker, plus two workers to sew and create the finished, modest product. “We were making an insane number of dresses. My workers would go until 4 a.m. sometimes. Thankfully, we were able to give every single bride a personalized wedding experience.”

The Hair Story

Selling sheitels (wigs) came a few years later but now makes up the bulk of her business. Once brides and their families were working with Marlene for so much of the wedding planning process, they convinced her to sell sheitels, too, to streamline things even further. She was someone they knew and trusted already, something that’s key when investing so much in a piece you’re planning to wear daily.

Marlene was intrigued, but it took time before she committed. “I did research for a year and a half before bringing wigs in,” she says. “This was already 17 years ago now, and it was a major game changer for me.” 

The research involved hands-on experience with the hair. She reached out to wig companies first-hand, then went to them and actually touched the strands, played with them, experimented with different types and watched how they dried naturally. 

“I learned very quickly, but I wanted to make sure I knew what I was talking about before diving in,” Marlene explains. She now spends quality time with each bride and client she meets with, ensuring they find the best option for their budget and goals. She sells 17 different brands of sheitels, with three more on the way, and prides herself on the attention she gives to each bride. “Because I have so many different brands I can cater to a diverse array of clients, all over the globe,” she shares.

Purchasing a sheitel is something that can be a really daunting step when taking on the mitzvah of hair covering for the first time—first, there’s the heavy cost, plus making sure it’s comfortable and in a style that suits you. Marlene’s goal is to make sure each woman feels excited about the result. “My specialty is complicated hairlines and sizing,” she explains. “People come to me from all over for that. It’s a challenge, but that’s the thrill for me.” 

Marlene’s mother also remained involved. She had tons of experience washing and setting wigs, so the duo continues to work together.

This business venture proved to be even more worthwhile when the wedding industry took a hit about 12 years ago, after the financial crash in 2008. People weren’t spending $2000–$3000 on a wedding gown anymore, and takana weddings became the norm. _{[NOTE: A takana wedding is one that follows Rabbinically enacted ordinances to prevent excessive expense that could become a social pressure and financial burden on the individuals of a community.]}

Like all successful entrepreneurs know, innovation is key to creating a business with longevity. So, Marlene took her sheitel knowledge on the road, flying to cities around the United States and the world to sell her stock. It’s a venture that proved fruitful and something she continued doing right up until the coronavirus pandemic shut down travel.

In recent months, she’s had to reroute her efforts again as a result of not being able to quickly get shipments in from China, or travel to cities as often to sell. She’s lowered the quantity of products she has in stock so she can decrease her overhead and she’s re-focused her services, showing clients how to recreate their gowns or bridal dreams for a backyard wedding instead. She’s offering discounts, with an understanding that almost everyone has been hit hard this time. Marlene’s driving desire is to still help them create their dream day. 

Kaituz has been selling cosmetics for 20 years as well. The company focuses on long-wear products so customers can wear them over Shabbat and Yom Tov as well. Since the company grew, Marlene’s mother and sister no longer do hair and makeup at the venue anymore. They’ll style the bride if she and her bridal party come to their home, but if they want to be made up at the venue, (which many often do) Marlene will connect them with other hair stylists and makeup artists.

With everything she does, the client’s experience remains top priority.

A Mother First

In business, one of the most essential tips is to remember your “why.” While Marlene had enough passion for her work to make the business successful, her true drive was and still is, her 15-year-old daughter.

“As a single mother, I had to provide financially,” she explains. “Twenty-four hours after I had a baby, I was back downstairs in my office. I made six weddings the week following.” Taking care of her daughter became her focus and a great need; she knew she would do whatever it took to make that happen.

“I had to make choices a lot and it was very hard,” she explains. “I sacrificed dating, self-care, time with my friends and even bigger dreams for my business but I don’t regret it. I had to work or I chose to be at home… Holding my daughter’s fingers or teaching her how to walk outweighed everything else by far.”

Now, Marlene wants to show others that you don’t have to put your dreams aside to have a family. “You just have to work smarter, not necessarily harder,” she explains. “You have to work very efficiently and know how to delegate both in the office and at home.”

This is coming from someone who had to really work to get to this mindset. “I’ve learned I don’t have to be a martyr,” she says. “It’s okay to have cleaning help, it’s okay to get takeout sometimes. It’s important to get to know yourself and your capabilities and then hire others to help you. There’s nothing wrong with sharing the burden and having assistance to achieve your goals.”

As busy as she may be, she credits the entrepreneurial lifestyle with giving her the flexibility to be there for her daughter. In school, she had dreams of being a gastrointestinal surgeon and even started college pre-med, but in thinking about her future family, she shifted gears.

“I put my entire heart and soul into everything I do,” she shares. “I was so nervous I would be the mom who was never home because I was working 80 hours a week in surgeries. My goal was to be an excellent surgeon, so I knew I couldn’t work part-time either. Starting a business allows me to work from home and never miss one of my child’s milestones.”

Ironically, Marlene says she probably still works as many hours as a surgeon might, but the flexibility on when she works makes all the difference. “Being a mom is always the first thing on my list,” she says. “It’s what everything else revolves around.” 

Beauty Inside and Out

Through all the ups and downs and many changes and readjustments, she credits her emunah (faith) as the one thing that has remained constant. “At the end of the day, no matter how hard you try, if it’s not G-d’s will, it’s not going to happen,” she says. “My business really helped strengthen my relationship with Hashem.”

Marlene finds real meaning in her work, bringing Torah into an industry that can be criticized for its gashmiyut (materialism). “The employees in the factories I work with are blown away by how beautiful a modest gown can be,” she says. “It really motivates me to keep going.” 

She also created a gemach (free loan association) where her clients can donate their gowns after they’ve been worn. She initially set it up in Queens, but later relocated it to an Israeli orphanage called Bayit Lepletot in Meah She’arim, a central Jerusalem neighborhood, to help girls there feel beautiful on their big day.

“No matter how hard you try, if it’s not G-d’s will, it’s not going to happen.”

Marlene Kolangi

When she’s not working or at home, Marlene somehow finds the time to spearhead the New York-Presbyterian Queens hospital’s bikur cholim (visiting the sick) room as well, constantly making trips to ensure the place is fully stocked for patients’ families who need kosher food to eat. She also volunteers for Camp Simcha, a summer camp for children with cancer and other blood disorders, and Yad Batya L’Kallah, an organization that helps brides with any and all expenses as they’re getting married.

She also started her own nonprofit called She Turns 12, which sponsors Bat Mitzvah parties for girls who wouldn’t have one otherwise. “The organization is about empowering youth,” she explains. “Kids who are 12 and older are the ones planning the party, but the recipient doesn’t know. It inspires the kids planning, helping them realize how much they have, and the recipient feels really special. It’s a crucial age and it can help bring a bit of light to a child’s life when they might otherwise feel neglected, an issue that can lead them down darker paths as they grow up.” She works with a partner organization that focuses on doing the same thing for boys and their bar mitzvahs.

No matter what she’s working on, Marlene makes sure her day is enveloped in purpose. “I wake up every morning and think, ‘How can I bring meaning to someone’s day today?’” she says. “People always ask what’s so meaningful about selling a wig, but helping a woman feel beautiful inside and out is so empowering. If I can help someone find the beauty in the mitzvah, I go to sleep with a smile.”

For more on Kaituz, get in touch with Marlene on Instagram at @kaituz.

What staples should every modest woman have in her closet?

First, a slip dress. It’s super versatile. I wear it as a skirt with a sweater over it and then belted. Or I’ll put a long cardigan over it. If I’m going out to dinner, I might put a turtleneck underneath with a blazer. There are so many different outfits you can make, which is always my goal, so I don’t have to buy so much. (Check The Reflective’s newsletter on this topic.)

A belt. If you have a good belt, it can make any outfit look a little more put together. The type of belt you choose is truly dependent on the outfit. For some baggier looks, it’s just to make sure your waist doesn’t get hidden. I’ll take a thin belt or even a ribbon or a rope and pull the extra material of the dress over the top to cover up the belt, just so it’s adding a cinch. Other times you want a thick belt that’s really holding the outfit together, completing the look. Sometimes, you want the belt to be the centerpiece of your outfit, which I think is the easiest way to elevate a look. There are chain belts or belts with really cool buckles. I have a belt that has a tiger face as the buckle and I always get stopped when I wear it. It’s a statement in and of itself.

Something cropped. A cropped t-shirt, sweater or jacket is important when you’re dressing modestly, because no matter what your figure is—this really holds with all shapes—you don’t want your hips to get lost in an outfit, which can happen often. So, if you wear a cropped sweater over a dress or a cropped jacket with a skirt, it accentuates the fact that you have hips and you’re not a straight board. You’re not supposed to be unfeminine just because you’re dressing modestly. You can still be tzanua and show that you’re a woman. So that’s been a life hack I depend on.

What are some unexpected pieces that can boost a modest look?

A cool pair of pants. Putting pants under a dress is a staple for me but finding pants that are going to look good under a dress is a whole new game, rather than just putting them under a shirt. The most important thing to look for is the top. If the top of the jeans is bulkier, that’s going to show under the dress, which is always a problem I had. So, I look for a seamless top.

In terms of the pant style, it really depends on your shape. I’m super tall, so I like to wear baggier pants, but I’m not sure I could get away with that if I were shorter. 

Also, I would say mixing up your tights in the winter is a big one. Trying different prints or colors can be fun.

How can you streamline your purchases so you don’t spend so much money feeling like you’re constantly buying new things?

It may seem counterintuitive but investing more in a few key pieces that will last will save you money in the long run. If you just buy clothes from more trend-focused stores, you often find that things go out of style quickly or just don’t fit you properly—but you don’t want to spend the money tailoring them because they already were so cheap. Then they get all pilly and you end up throwing them out next year. You’re setting yourself up for failure.

Let’s say, though, that I tried on a plain black slip dress and it flattered me so well and so perfectly, but I think, “Oh, I could just get this at a cheaper store, I’m not going to buy it.” I’m learning it’s better to invest because it’s one piece that will last, and I can transform into a million different outfits and will do so because I love it and can’t stop thinking about it. Whereas, if I just buy it at a cheaper place where it doesn’t fit as great, I’m probably going to try it on once a week with an outfit and never feel good in it and so never end up wearing it and buy something else to replace it. 

Vintage shopping also can be great. A friend of mine took me and I got so many good finds for so much less.

What are some go-to sites for modest clothing that people might not know about?

We actually do a feature on The Reflective called “Underrated Brands,” in which we showcase brands that aren’t modest but have a lot of modest finds. Some of those are Nanushka, Ganni, Oak and Fort, and Rixo. A lot of these are actually very relevant brands in the fashion industry right now that I probably wouldn’t have looked at because I didn’t think they applied to me, but as I researched them, I was impressed by the amount of modest options they had and now they’re staples.

What questions do you ask yourself before buying something?

Number one is, “Does it flatter me?” The key in shopping is knowing what shapes look good on you and sticking to them. I have friends who only will buy things from three brands because they just know those names work well for their shape. Figuring it out is really just trial and error. I had to learn things all over again for myself when I started dressing modestly. Trying a bunch of things on will help you figure out what cuts and silhouettes work for you. We also try and do newsletters that feature different looks for different body types and explain why they work.  (Check out a previous one here!) 

Two is, “Does it fit the modesty boundaries I’ve set for myself?” I have pretty clear lines in terms of my modesty, but they’re always evolving and growing. So, I think, is this something that will last for me? For example, I stopped buying t-shirts at a certain point even though I still wore them because I thought, “By next summer I don’t want to be wearing t-shirts.” So, being aware of where you’re holding in modesty makes a big difference for me.

Third, is, “Will this work in terms of cross-seasonality?” If I know I can wear something in two or more seasons I’m way more likely to buy it. If I’m in the dressing room and put on a floral skirt that I can also see myself wearing with a boots and sweater, then I’m sold. But if I can’t, then I’m probably less likely to invest unless it’s super special.

Where do you find nicer dresses for fancier occasions?

It’s so hard and I definitely haven’t mastered it, but I really do think it comes down to tailoring. It’s very hard to find something fully modest but it’s much easier to find something that can be made modest with a good tailor. So maybe it’s adding sleeves or taking fabric from the bottom and using it to cover a cutout. You have to get creative, but that’s my main solution for now. I always say if I ever start another business in this field it’s going to be creating modest evening wear or bathing suits. Those are the two things I have so much difficulty with right now.

Let’s talk accessories. What pieces can really elevate a look?

Shoes are great in general. Sneakers and a slip dress look really cute together, or if you’re shorter, a pair of platform sneakers can make your outfit and help you feel taller if that’s something you want. I also love earrings. I have so many fun earrings that I can add to any outfit, so even if I’m wearing all black, it will still look cool and put together if I put earrings on. Jewelry in general is fun.

Lastly, let’s talk comfort since loungewear has become even more popular. How can you be comfortable and still feel put together?

It’s definitely much easier in the winter than in the summer. So, in the winter, there are a lot of matching knit sets that make it really easy because you don’t have to think in the morning and they’re really cozy—it’s like you’re wearing a blanket. Sweatshirt dresses are also cool. You can pair one with really fun, printed leggings and be so comfortable yet styled.

For more from Liza and The Reflective, click here!

Instead of choosing an outfit out of habit and halacha (Jewish law), you want to do it with love and excitement. Clothing doesn’t just have to cover your body—it can and should be an expression of who that soul is on the inside. But with so much else going on, it’s hard to allot time “just” to your wardrobe. Enter The Reflective.

Founder Liza Sakhaie and a few friends started this modest fashion newsletter and website out of a desire to help other women find fun and love in dressing b’tzniut. They curate pieces from affordable vendors and put them together in outfits or categories to help you shop with style and ease. They also feature up-and-coming designers with lots of modest options you may not have heard about. Instead of spending hours trying to sort through thousands of ASOS selections, you can let them do the work for you (they already did!).

We sat down with the brand’s founder, Liza Sakhaie, to get the scoop on The Reflective’s beginnings, its goals and how it can help you find a new love for tzniut dressing. Then, stay tuned for some life-changing style tips later this week!

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Let’s start at the beginning. When did you set up The Reflective and what inspired you to do so?

We started in August 2020 with Instagram posts to get people excited, and then our newsletter launched in October. I grew up in a traditional home but was never observant. I became more religious in college and had already been working in fashion for six years at that point. When I started dressing modestly, it was so difficult. Either I was spending an insane amount of money to look good and feel comfortable in my clothes, or I was spending hours filtering [through options] on secular sites. I just thought to myself, “This is not normal.” I felt like it didn’t need to be that difficult.

Then people started asking me to help style them or take them shopping, and I thought there must be a way to do this on a bigger scale. There are probably many people out there who feel the way I do, or don’t even know they feel that way, because they’ve always been wearing a black skirt and sweater. They might not know what it means to have their own personal style. The Jewish meaning behind tzniut includes a lot that’s supposed to be internal and a reflection of who you are. I think people are missing out on a lot of the mitzvah by not being able to properly express themselves through their clothing. I really wanted to do something about that.

I was working at Bloomingdale’s most recently, developing pop-up shops. It was fun but I really felt like it was lacking meaning. Once COVID hit, I was furloughed, and it was the perfect time to start this. I reached out to some friends and now we have a team of five women.

What is the main goal of the site?

Our long-term goal is to be an e-commerce website for the modest woman but, for now, we’re trying to be a resource for all the things we felt were lacking in this area. We felt like we were missing ease, resources, styling and community, so we set out to provide that. We really want to have this platform serve as a space for women who dress modestly across all spectrums—Jewish, Christian and Muslim. Maybe someone dresses modestly for different occasions or when it matters more to her. Often, people are afraid to define themselves as “modest” if they feel like they’re not fully there. We’re trying to get rid of that stigma. Even if once a week you’re dressing more modestly, you’re still on that journey, so we’re trying to highlight the process and not only the end result.

Where does The Reflective’s name come from?

We were thinking through keywords associated with modesty and really wanted to steer away from any negative stigma modesty could have. We thought about what modesty really meant to us, which is the idea that your clothes are a reflection of who you are internally. So, The Reflective is just a play on reflecting who you really are. 

It’s a beautiful idea and name. It can be hard to find balance between putting an emphasis on gashmiut (physicality) and physical appearance and then shopping and getting dressed, with a connection to Hashem. How do keep all those ideas balanced while bringing a true connection to the mitzvah?

It was definitely difficult at first, but the more I found out that other women were able to take on the mitzvah of dressing b’tzniut because they saw me doing it in a certain way, it became more about being a kiddush Hashem (sanctifying G-d’s Name) and showing other women that this is an accessible mitzvah. It’s not meant to be painful or difficult. That’s really how I found meaning in it for myself. 

I always think back to a class I had with Mrs. Avigail Gersht at Neve* in Jerusalem. She spoke about how the word tzniut is defined in so many ways because the Hebrew word doesn’t have such a proper English translation. But the way she described it was about internality. A lot of the time, people put such a focus on discussing your externality and put so little focus on what they’re wearing that everyone kind of dresses the same way. She was saying that in some places every girl is wearing a button-down and black skirt, and if that’s your thing, then go for it, that’s beautiful. But if you’re defining your modesty and dress by the way someone else dresses, that immediately makes it external and you’ve lost the essence of the mitzvah. It’s about understanding yourself and choosing to elevate the physical with something spiritual. How are you using your clothes? The constant goal of so much in Judaism is to find that balance.

“It’s about understanding yourself and choosing to elevate the physical with something spiritual.”

I love that, it’s really so empowering and immediately brings a new outlook and light to getting dressed. Where do you find your fashion inspiration from?

There’s an amazing Instagrammer named @toibycontinued. She makes hilarious TikToks, where she takes influencers’ outfits that are really cool but aren’t modest and turns them into skirt outfits. She shows you how you can keep up with the trend and emulate someone else’s style but make it modest. She’s so creative. So, I get a lot of inspiration from her on how to take fashion from secular sources like Vogue and transform them into something that fits my value system.

So cool, I’m excited to check her out. It’s also hard not to touch on the pandemic. With the way the world has changed, how do you feel fashion has shifted and how has it affected your brand?

Overall, I think people are realizing they don’t need that much. Before, there were six different seasons—spring, summer, fall and winter and pre-fall and resort—so stores would turn over their inventory every two months. When the pandemic hit, stores didn’t open and there was all this stuff just sitting on the shelves and then when things did reopen, there were all new shipments coming in. It was a wake-up call for the entire industry that maybe they’re just pushing too much product and it’s unnecessary. 

On social media, I’m also seeing a lot of conversation about conscious shopping—not just about sustainability but about overconsumption. A lot of people are talking about capsule collections, or having a few key pieces in your wardrobe that you can re-wear with a ton of different outfits rather than buying a bunch of trendy pieces. 

With our brand, it’s definitely challenging. Our whole essence revolves around getting dressed and shopping and most people aren’t doing either of those things so much. But I think it’s forced us in the best way possible to really build out this community aspect, and we’re sharing more about the meaning of modesty. Even though we’re all Jewish, we don’t want there to be an exclusivity to it, so we feature community members of different faiths. That’s become a big part of the platform, which I never expected. 

For more from The Reflective, follow them on Instagram, sign up for their newsletter and visit their site.

_{*Neve is an orthodox women’s seminary in Israel for baalei teshuvah.}