Looking back, it’s crazy to think Esther Wein was going to ever be anything but a teacher of Torah.
“Torah teaching was basically my mother’s milk,” Esther says. She was born into a family of greats — her grandfather was Rabbi Shimon Schwab, an influential Rav who had a big impact in reshaping Judaism in America. He is the genius mind behind numerous sefarim (books) including Maayan Beis Hasho’eivah (ArtScroll, 1994) and Rav Schwab on Prayer (ArtScroll, 2001) among others. His brothers, Rabbi Moshe Schwab and Rabbi Mordechai Schwab, were also deeply influential.
She grew up in an open home where questions were welcome, as were people of all levels of religiosity. Her father, Rabbi Yosef Schwab, was a jeweler, but teaching Torah was his true passion, and he constantly brought home Jews from every stream of life, including many baalei teshuva, to learn. He now has thousands of classes of his own on Torah Anytime, mainly focusing on the parsha.
When Esther married, she gained entry to even more routes of wisdom. Her husband, Hershel Wein, who she refers to as her “secret weapon,” expanded her exposure to and understanding of profound Torah ideas immeasurably. He also introduced her to the wisdom of the famed Rav Moshe Shapiro, who she calls “the philosophical leader of this generation.” She and her husband participated in numerous learning trips of about 40 people in which Rav Moshe would give seven to eight shiurim (Torah classes) over the course of the trip. It was a powerful experience in which she got to absorb his teachings in a more personal environment. Esther and her husband often shared his wisdom in their home. “His thought patterns deeply influenced us,” she says.
Her husband is the son of Reb Zalman Wein, who is a talmid (student) of his father-in-law, Rav Yakov Moshe Shurkin, and Rav Yitzchok Hutner, the Rosh Yeshiva of Chaim Berlin. “As soon as I met [my father-in-law], I understood how brilliant he was,” she shares. “I said, ‘Dad, teach me,’ and I sat with him every Tuesday and Thursday for years. My mouth dropped with each thought he shared. My most popular lessons are built off his creative insights.”
Her mother was a strong role model as well. Esther grew up in Elizabeth, New Jersey, near her father’s workplace, and went to Bruriah, a yeshiva day school for girls. That upbringing set the stage for her life as being an example to others. “My mother was one of the only ladies who covered her hair in the whole community,” she shares. “My parents were very strong [in their Yiddishkeit]. They never worried that their kids would be influenced [to become less religious].”
All that said, she says she became a Torah teacher “accidentally.” Esther actually went to school to train as an ultrasound technician and worked in the field for five years. Then, when she was 22, her family moved to Monsey after her mother gave birth to twins and needed a bigger place. She continued her ultrasound work in Monsey and, at the same time, started to volunteer as a tutor at a learning center called Netzach Yisrael there, which later became the Jewish Renaissance Center (JRC), run by Rebbetzin Leah Kohn. Eventually, that tutoring position turned into a paid teaching position, which really laid the groundwork for her rise into the field.
At 26, she married and moved to the Five Towns, where her teaching continued to flourish. Soon after moving, the community decided to make a Friday night shiur for women that would be taught by someone else each week. “After a pretty short time, I ended up doing it every week,” she says. “From there, things started to evolve.”
Esther’s Teachings
Now, more than 30 years later, Esther, 57, is living in Lawrence, NY, and has a vibrant career as a Torah educator. She currently teaches at Shulamith School for Girls — a high school in the town; Elyon Seminary, a Chassidic seminary in Brooklyn; and on Zoom, through her own aggregation of students, four times a week. She also teaches a women’s group in Queens and runs three different chaburas (learning groups) in Far Rockaway, Woodmere and Miami, where she often spends time.
She is known for guiding her students to look deeper — focusing on the foundations of Judaism. She teaches various subjects with an emphasis on Chumash (Bible), Navi (Prophets) and tefillah (prayer), but the central theme is always basic Jewish constructs.
“Because we rely on the English translations for words in lashon hakodesh (the Holy tongue) and then apply the Western definition to them, we often misunderstand fundamental Jewish ideas — and the notion of our Jewish self is often distorted,” she explains.
She demonstrates this with an example: “If you ask the average graduate of a religious Jewish institution how they would describe their Jewish mission, they would probably say — to serve Hashem,” she says. “If pressed on what that means, they will say that we are servants or slaves of G-d. If pressed further to define that, you’ll see that often their association is slavery as the Western world conceives of it, meaning some sort of situation where the slave is helpless, has no rights and is totally dependent, where self-expression and self-actualization are not priorities.”
“Then, somehow layered upon this slavery construct is the demand to be grateful and love the Master, Who is Hashem,” she continues. “When asked to put it all together, it comes out in some sort of version of ‘I have no choice. I must be obedient, and I will get punished if I disobey, but I should be thankful that at least I can serve the true King.’ Clearly, this is very far from accurate and is a devastating misunderstanding of a basic Jewish idea.”
Esther explains that when one concept is distorted, the others, like tzelem elokim (being created in the image of G-d), neshama (soul) and schar v’onesh (reward and punishment) build off that and turn into layers of confusion. “Putting it all together, our self-concept becomes one of a person, or a relationship with Hashem that no one really wants to be in,” she shares. “Understanding accurate definitions of these terms would solve that problem and allow people to embrace their relationship with Hashem with optimism, motivation and joy.”
When one begins to learn the key constructs of Judaism through lashon hakodesh itself, Esther explains that they experience what she calls a paradigm shift. Ideas take on new meaning and totally reconstruct how one thinks about basic yet deep Torah concepts. “It is vital that one have a more sophisticated understanding of Judaism for themselves — and in order to address the questions their children will have,” Esther says.
“Understanding accurate definitions of these terms would allow people to embrace their relationship with Hashem with optimism, motivation and joy.”
“It is unfortunate that children raised in a religious environment will ask, ‘Why should I be religious?’” She continues, “It means that the religion they’re learning about does not directly impact their lives in a clearly beneficial way. How, then, could we expect them to remain true to it, let alone be a light onto the nations?”
So many people were either brought up doing certain things and have been doing them for so long that they’ve forgotten why they do what they do them or maybe never got good explanations about them in the first place. These questions, answers and paradigm shifts Esther teaches aim to rejuvenate that Judaism, place her students on firm ground and give them a solid framework of ideas that provide clarity and are easy to communicate.
With her high school students, Esther does this within the context of modern societal concerns like identity, human rights, racism, personal autonomy and privilege, and shares how the Torah speaks to them. “It’s just as important to show how Torah fits into our lives today,” she says.
The Greater Goal
While teaching the next generation is crucial, as Esther, a mother of five, mentioned above, there’s an even deeper pull within her that motivates the countless hours and years of work she’s put into her teaching —the construction of one’s personal Jewish identity.
Identity requires context, she explains, which all goes back to having accurate perception of your relationship with G-d. “If you identify as a servant of Hashem, for example, but your definition of a servant is skewed, then your whole identity is off,” Esther shares.
“How you identify is the big question today. Well, what constitutes one’s identity? In class, we work with the idea that your identity ultimately is how you see the world, how you think and understand things,” she says.
She works with a mashal (allegory) about our relationship with Hashem as a way of explaining — comparing it to a fetus in the womb. Although there’s a mechitzah (barrier), or the uterine wall, and the fetus can’t technically see the mother, it’s completely within the mother and there is a direct feed — the umbilical cord — from the mother to the baby. In Hebrew, we call Hashem Makom, which means “the place,” or the place that we truly exist within.
“The fetus gets nourishment through the umbilical cord,” she shares. “The umbilical cord can be likened to our neshama, which is what allows for a direct flow of Hashem’s thoughts into our minds, and which shapes our core assumptions and constructs. This feed or flow of ideas is meant to be further enhanced so that our minds become deeply attached to Divine truths.”
“The Rambam says it’s your choice to strengthen that flow,” she explains. “The more accurate the definitions you know, the more you can shape that identity.”
Of course, there’s so much to learn but essentially, the more accurate your definitions are, the stronger your connection with both Hashem and yourself will be. “My goal is that people understand who they are and that they feel empowered in knowing they can design their own mind and focus through learning Torah and mitzvot.”
The effects of this can be mind-blowing. For example, Esther explains that the word tamei, often mistranslated to mean “impure,” actually means “blocked,” and the word tahor, mistranslated to “pure,” means “transparent.” So, to continue the mashal of the fetus in the womb, when one does not know the context of their identity, when they do not know that they are part of the Oneness of Hashem as the fetus is inside the mother, they feel all alone in what they believe is a very overwhelming universe. For them, there is a thick mechitzah[1] or uterine wall there.
“In contrast, someone who understands the proper context of their existence knows they are not alone at all,” Esther explains. “For them, the mechitzah provides the opportunity for a sense of self, while the feed through the neshama allows them to align their mindset with Hashem at the same time.”
“Hashem created this mechitzah, or the limited ability of our physical senses to see spirituality in this world to give us the opportunity to experience ourselves as separate beings,” she says. “This gives us the ability to be a creator, which allows us to have free choice, autonomy and self-expression.”
Understanding that we are one with Hashem now is where the magic in this world happens.
Talking Purpose
So, how should one bring out that self-expression in this world? Esther has an answer for that too. All of this conversation about identity goes hand-in-hand with the topic of finding one’s purpose — but not in the way you may think.
She has a class called “Stop Looking for Your Tafkid,” which she stresses is one of the most important. “This is a crucial class because the idea of finding your tafkid (often understood as one’s unique purpose) makes everybody crazy… Because my great-grandmother plucked chickens all day, she missed her tafkid? It gives people anxiety and it’s based on an incorrect definition of the word actually.”
“The root of the word tafkid is פקד which means collateral, suggesting that we are given our lives on loan and that loan should be used in the best way possible,” she shares.
Once one understands the concept of makom, explained above, they can realize that their purpose is to be a part of Hashem’s self-expression. “We are part of Hashem’s story and that means we don’t get to choose almost any circumstances or variables in our lives such as our parents, our education, the society we live in and the time we enter this world,” Esther says. “Since we don’t get to choose anything, we know we’re part of a much greater story than ourselves. Your tafkid is doing your best to channel Hashem’s ways according to what the situation calls for or allows for right now.”
Maybe someone has a great voice, she explains, but they also have a child who is disabled, or they just don’t have the money to make a career singing in front of people. Esther often points out that there is no one specific role that someone is destined to play. “No one should think that they missed their entire purpose because something they hoped for didn’t work out for them.”
The most essential message Esther wants to share here is that every person is a tzelem Elokim, which is found in the first chapter of the Torah and means that every person is like the Creator of the world. That means that the inherent drive of a human being is also to be a creator, one who expresses his or herself in whatever way that’s called for at the moment. Then leave the rest to G-d. “When I say channel Hashem’s self-expression, I mean the timeless truths and values of Judaism,” she says.
Practically, this means that one’s true purpose is to develop yourself with whatever circumstances you’re in right now. Become smarter, more patient, wiser, more easygoing — your target is to grow. Whether it’s through teaching, working, helping others, being a parent, or a combination, just to name a few examples, your circumstances are ever-changing, but your purpose of channeling Hashem’s timeless values stays the same in every situation.
“We only get today. Our lives should never be defined as sitting around and waiting for something to happen,” Esther says. “We know that Hashem has given us our G-dly characteristics, such as self-expression, wisdom, and any talents we have, to use in sync with Him until it’s time to give them back. Whatever the circumstances of your life are today, no matter how bitter or disappointing, you can still channel the timeless Torah values in the moment.”
“We only get today. Our lives should never be defined as sitting around and waiting for something to happen.”
To get even deeper with this concept, one can go back to the idea of the pregnant mother. When an expecting woman is hungry, she eats — that is how she also feeds the baby inside of her. It’s the same with Hashem. “Her baby is in her and is a part of her, so she only has to do for herself to care for the fetus,” Esther explains. “Hashem is the same. There are no others. Whatever Hashem does in this world is also for us.”
Esther explains this is actually the secret of why we love doing things for ourselves. If we work on ourselves and become more patient and loving, that will become our personality and identity and overflow to everyone around us. Everyone else will also benefit from that. “The more nutrients the mother has, the more the baby has,” she shares.
Instead of racking your brain to figure out what career you should have and how that must be your purpose, remember that you are part of something bigger. You don’t have to be afraid — Esther says a lot of this stems from fear that secular culture has brought in. At the end of the day, life is about recognizing that your identity is already within Hashem. If you partner with Hashem truly, you will create a beautiful, loving relationship with both Him and yourself — and that is one’s true purpose.
“Make yourself into such a big person that everyone who crosses your path gains by extension,” Esther says.
Constant Creation
At this point, all of Esther’s Zoom classes are available to everyone for free. When she travels, the money she charges goes to tzedakah through an umbrella charity called Rav Chesed. Her husband has a successful career as a tax attorney and because of this, she is able to work in this way.
“I am in awe of the love for learning surging among people today,” she says. “I can’t explain to you how much gratitude people show just for the opportunity to expand their minds. The paradigm shifts are transformative — it’s an amazing thing to watch.”
What Esther is doing, she believes, is using the loan Hashem gave her to help others. She explains that her “purpose” could change at any second, but right now she’s been given these specific tools and opportunities and sharing it is just overflow.
“Baruch Hashem, I can play this role because I have it within me and it’s the biggest pleasure,” she says.
This feeling of pleasure also shows how deeply she is connecting to the creator mode mentioned above. In contrast with survival mode, she is using her own self-expression to bring Hashem’s wisdom into the world.
“Make yourself into such a big person that everyone who crosses your path gains by extension.”
“Creator mode is harnessing our self-expression and letting these timeless truths and values flow through us,” she says. “Survival mode comes from a fundamental blindness to important meanings like tzelem elokim and neshama, which leave a person with no alternative but to feel alone. We constantly have a choice between these two mindsets.”
The issue comes in when you forget who you are, forget that we all are a part of Hashem’s world. We go into survival mode and are just trying to tread water in a world that can feel really overwhelming.
“You are part of Hashem,” she says. “If we get really scared, we forget the concept of the mechitzah and the makom and we forget the feed and we forget we’re creators. As soon as we get that fear, we go blind to all the Jewish ideas.”
“You have to recognize that your struggles are still within Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s world, and He has a million messengers,” she explains. “Nothing constitutes your identity in the real world other than your relationship with Hashem. That alone can empower so many people to opt out of any sort of negative state of mind that comes from inadequacy and fear… It’s how so many people survived the Holocaust.”
To get out of the fear and out of perpetual survival mode, Esther says all you have to do is return to the correct terminology, the truest expression of Hashem. Reattach to the idea of who you are — which is a part of G-d — and watch the rest flow.
For a list of foundational words and their definitions Esther has compiled about basic Jewish concepts, click here.
While all of Esther’s classes work to redefine important Jewish meanings, she is beginning a new course to specifically combat this, called “Aha!: A new look at the Judaism you thought you knew,” which will be both live and on Zoom soon. If you’d like to be notified when it’s starting, you can email Tania Hammer at taniahammer@gmail.com
For Esther’s latest class updates or to join her WhatsApp groups that share links and source materials, you can also email taniahammer@gmail.com.
Esther’s classes are available on TorahAnytime.com as well. She recommends starting with a series if you’re able to, which are all grouped here.
[1] Kohelet Raba 1:4