Cheshvan 5783: We Just Need to Focus

Hello, everyone! At this point, we’re about halfway through Cheshvan. We’ve had some time to reflect on the Jewish holidays that have passed (and TBH already feel like forever ago) and get back into a rhythm.

The beauty of the month of Cheshvan is that we get to revel in routine. Holiday time is amazing yet also a bit crazed. Now, we have time to settle in and just process.

The question is though, how many of us actually do that processing? I admit, I’m guilty of running from one thing to the next, updating my never-ending to-do list and simply thinking about what’s to come. I’m sure that describes many of us.

This month, I’ve noticed that as I move through my morning, I’m so anxious to get on with the rest of my day that I feel like I can’t take the time to meditate or daven — the things that ironically, will power my day with so much more presence, meaning and intention.

I was recently listening to a podcast which wasn’t Jewish, but had a lot of Jewish wisdom in it. The guest asked: how many of us actually spend time getting to know ourselves? To him, that meant scheduling a set time to sit and think for at least 30 minutes about who we are, who we want to be, where we want to go, etc.

This is something I’ve wanted to do since the holidays, and now, I theoretically actually have the time. Of course, the routine of daily life may also leave little time for thought, but I’m realizing how important it is to just do it. It will never happen if it’s not a priority. Truthfully, if we don’t live our lives with that intention, what is the point of it all?

When my baby wakes up in the morning, if I just think, “ugh, I guess I have to get up now,” versus taking a moment when I walk in to savor the yumminess of his smiling face as he notices me, am I even really living in the life I’ve created?

Naturally, that first thought of struggling to get up, or whatever it may be in a different situation will always be there. We’re human. It’s hard to get up in the morning, it’s normal to have a crazy to-do list with a lot going on and yes, we all also get stressed. But as I think and work through this more, I’m starting to understand that you just have to come back to yourself. Take time either through meditation, prayer, a walk outside or just sitting for 30 seconds to take stock of your blessings and return to your truest self and the person you actually want to be. Doing so will energize the rest of your life.

When I look back at my life IYH after 120, I don’t want to feel like I just rushed through it all. I don’t want to always be looking forward to the time when my kids G-d willing are older, or when I’m more established or have hit a certain target. I want to enjoy my life now exactly as it is with the moments that are already here.

That is Cheshvan for me. It’s a hard thing to do, especially as a perfectionist and an achiever but I’m working on it. It’s enjoying the time when we’ve come down from the go-go-go to notice, enjoy and put into practice the life we say we want to live.

It’s daily work to remember to do this — to truly enjoy when my son comes home from school each day and just be with him; to take my baby on a walk and actually feel the thrill in the fresh air and crunch of leaves on the ground. Doing so however, is a serious mood-changer.

My grandmother a”h was someone who lived her life in this way. She sadly passed away in February and I miss her dearly. She was someone who was fully immersed and happy in the present. Taking time to sit with the newspaper, do the crossword puzzle, catch up with a friend or go to the pond across the street were enough for her and so delightful. I’m trying to honor her legacy now by doing the same.

As we get deeper into the new year and as the darker months set in, I know it will only get more challenging to bring up that appreciation. It’s easy to feel bitter when it’s cold and dark, when the kids are sick or the day doesn’t go as planned. In those moments though I want to remember that I am in control of my thoughts and I can change them at any point.

It’s not about being mad at myself or critical if I make a mistake, lash out at someone or get stressed, it’s just making sure that when that does happen, I can return to myself and make things right. I can go back and make time for the things that power and revitalize me — not just sitting and watching Netflix, but talking to Hashem, journaling, spending time in nature, really self-care in its truest form. As Rabbi Efrem Goldberg often says on his Living with Emunah podcast, you can always turn the page.

So as we move through Cheshvan and the rest of the year, my goal is to keep that focus. Yes, focus on long-term goals and how to lay the groundwork now to make them happen, but also in enjoying the process every day, not just waiting for the end-result.

Cheshvan is the eighth month of the year, the month of Mashiach because the number eight signifies “the eternal revelation of the supernatural.” How can we live every day with that G-dliness, or with our lives truly powered by G-d? IYH maybe if we do, we’ll be one step closer to bringing Mashiach here.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments

xoxo, Alex

P.S. If you want some serious Cheshvan inspiration, check out this article by my sister.